he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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