TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize