I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
