mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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