She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
