Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
