Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
