yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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