cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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