i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
