I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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