dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
well you can't waste a boner
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
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Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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