mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
