if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
