I haven't been this sober since birth.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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