I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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