In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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