just come out here and I will go home with you...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
