Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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