I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They took my balls.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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