On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
