I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
