I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
