Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
