Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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