some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
