Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
