pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Randomize
