either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
