i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The convent might be a nice break from real life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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