Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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