Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
