hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
