Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
