So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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