I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
