Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
