Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
