So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
