Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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