so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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