its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
