We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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