What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
