Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
