sarcasm needs its own font
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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