I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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