Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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