You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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