And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
