So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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