I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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