the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
