Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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