No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
