my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
