saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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