I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
