What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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