You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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