Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
