When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
