They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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