My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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