I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
