Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
